An Insight (part four) [click here for part 3 &1/2]

Hello everyone!!!

I am very sorry for pulling the disappearance act on all of u.. but I am BACK! I hope u have not given up on my blog.. this one is for Alice! Who reminded me that laziness was not an excuse..

Without further ado, PART FOUR.
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“It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.”
Jean Nidetch
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‘D’ FINDS OUT:
…………………
He knows..
I feel it
My friends warned me..
I knew this would happen..

He asks me: “are you hiding something?”
Me: “no!”
Him: “you can tell me anything you know!”
Me: “I know! There is nothing to tell”

I’m scared..
I tell FAZ not to call..
I tell him to wait for MY call..
……………………………….
From a previous post:

‘I Lied
I'm not quite sure if it was to save ur feelings
or mine..
It doesn’t matter. I Lied!’
………………….......
He tells me to trust him
I do
I decide to tell him
Who I really am
What I really did
I decide to tell him the truth..

He is quiet
He drops the phone
I call back
Again
Again
And again
No answer
No response

I call his best friend
He tells me he is driving ‘D’ home
He doesn’t know what’s wrong!
He doesn’t know y ‘D’ is in shock..

Instantly, I wish I hadn’t said anything at all!!

I call him all night
I can’t believe I’m loosing him!
I can’t bare the thought of loosing
The boy I fell in love with
In Paris!
…………………………………..
ME:
‘A hole in my heart
Where you used to be
Don’t leave so fast
It’s killing me

Please understand!
You said that you could
Don’t pull away your hand
You said you never would!

I was broken
I was weak
This pain is too much
This loss is too great
I can barely speak

Mend me please
This pain HE cannot ease!
It is you that I need!
It is you that I want!
It is you that I lost!

I’m sorry!’
………………………………….
HIM:
‘My angel has sinned!
How am I to believe again?
My angel has sinned!
How r the stars to shine again?
My angel has sinned!
How am I to believe?
Tell me my ‘angel’
How am I to believe?’
………………………………….
ME:
‘Forgive me this time..
I am only a girl
I needed love
I needed a friend
I needed a boyfriend
I needed a hand to protect mine
I just needed..
The boy I fell in love with
In Paris’
………………………………….
Little streams
Burning my cheeks
Great balls of fire
Inside of me
Melting me
Bit by bit
Destroying me

A need for you
I almost forgot
A love so strong
A love u taught
U were so gentle
Now u r rough
U were so sweet
U were so kind
Now u r always
Preoccupied..
…………………………………
He looks at me
Long and hard
Into my eyes
As if looking for something he lost
My heart trembles
My hand reaches out to his face
He turns away
He walks away
I break down
I cry
Head in my hands
Shaking
Just a little broken girl..
Alone.. once again..

He cries out!
He screams
From a distance
His voice pulls me up
I run outside

He is on the floor
I do not step closer
I am too afraid
He screams again
His words barely comprehendible
“WHYYYYYYYYY?”

He turns around
His face flushed
Wet with tears!
He is crying
He is just a boy
Once again..

He comes closer
And asks again
Only this time
He is whispering

Him: ‘why?’
Me: ‘I am sorry’
Him: ‘why did I do this to you?.. my angel.. my love.. why did I push u away?’
Me: in shock,, not a word!

Holding my hands, he kisses them,, he says HE is sorry.. he says He was wrong.. he says he didn’t appreciate me.. the way an angel should be appreciated!

Him: ‘I will change, I am only a boy, in love, with a girl.. I did not know how to treat, I do not deserve u! u have been there for me all the way,, I do not deserve u.. I will ask u this.. if u refuse, I will NEVER be whole again..
WILL U TAKE ME BACK?’
Me: ‘I would give the world away, if u would have ME back!’

He places his head in my lap..
We weep!
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As this part was longer than I expected.. I will continue tomorrow.. this happened last year.. It is still hard to write about.. please leave ur comments and be as honest as u can.. I would like to improve my weaknesses.. this is as much for me, as it is for u..

thank you all :)