An Insight (part three and 1/2) [click for part 3]
Hello my friends.
In response to your comments I will not post part FOUR just yet. It is still in the making, but I have decided, that a few lines describing three years is unjust. So in this post, I will speak about the ‘lost years’.. I hope that u will enjoy this. And more importantly PLEASE do NOT judge me. I have received the punishments for the bad I have done.. TRUST ME..
…………………………………………………………
The Lost Years:
……………….
‘D’
….
I hold his hand
I shed a tear
I start to talk
He does not hear
I need some love
I need some love
I beg I beg
For just some love
He turns to me
Looks into my eyes
Gives me a kiss
Then leaves..
Back to the guys!
I search and search
For the boy in Paris
Whom I loved
I miss him so…..
………………….
I cry
Inside.. I die..
He does not care..
Anymore..
………………….
‘FAZ’
……..
I turn to him
He knows I’m broken
He knows I bleed
He knows how hard
It is to need..
He holds my hand
He wipes my tears
He tells me no one
Is worth my tears!
He tells me no one
Is worth the fears!
He tells me he will ALWAYS be
No matter what
There for me..
I say I’m sorry
For all the times
He tried to reach me
When I was blind
I promises.. I will never do that to u again..
…………………………………………….
‘D’: “why do u not care anymore?”
Me: “It is u who does not care!”
‘D’: “I have always loved u, u know that!”
Me: “Actually, I don’t”
‘D’: “I am sorry my love.. u feel this way.. I love u.. I’m sorry.. that’s all I can say”
Me: “Promise me u will not leave anymore..
Promise me u will not break me anymore..
My heart will not always be mended”
He cries
I cry
We promise to be together ALWAYS..
……………………………………………….
‘FAZ’
………
I tell him I do not deserve someone like him
I tell him I am a bad person
I pray to God he will find a better person..
He does not argue
I do not give him a reason
He understands
He moves away
But tells me
He will always be there!
……………………………………………….
……………………………………………….
Getting To Know ‘D’ and ‘FAZ’:
…………………………………..
‘D’:
……
A hard working (boy)
With a hard life
His parents have always favored his brother over him
His mother says he will fail
His father says.. Nothing to him!
He cries..
They do not know!
He tries..
He does not show!
He wants to love
He wants to be loved
He wants to be rich
He wants to be a doctor
He wants to buy a car
He wants to be strong
He wants to get his degree
He asks nothing of no one
And no one can see..
…………………………….
‘FAZ’:
………
A (man) who has it easy
A man with all he needs
Money
Cars
And a loving family
He does not cry
He does not try
[He does not need to]
He wants to have fun
He wants a new car
He wants to speak English
He wants to go shopping in Milan
He asks nothing of no one
[He does not need to]
……………………………….
……………………………….
ME:
……
(from a previous post)
‘Through the pain I smile
Only for your eyes
Only for you..
The one who causes the pain’
………………………………………….
I do not feel the need for FAZ when ‘D’ is on my side..
When I am alone, I run to FAZ and hide..
He heals my pain..
With his careless life
He tells me not to worry
There is no need to worry
He says I am an angel
He says I am a dream
He says that no one (D)
Is really who they seem
He says I am worth more
He says I am unique
His words I adore
They make me believe!
………………………………….
I am horrible to FAZ sometimes..
But..
He is ALWAYS there!
…………………………………..
I hope this gives you a clearer picture of how I was living a double life..
It is a terrible thing to do by the way..
In the end,, I hurt FAZ, I hurt ‘D’..
And I have ALWAYS been hurting myself..
………………………………………………………………
In response to your comments I will not post part FOUR just yet. It is still in the making, but I have decided, that a few lines describing three years is unjust. So in this post, I will speak about the ‘lost years’.. I hope that u will enjoy this. And more importantly PLEASE do NOT judge me. I have received the punishments for the bad I have done.. TRUST ME..
…………………………………………………………
The Lost Years:
……………….
‘D’
….
I hold his hand
I shed a tear
I start to talk
He does not hear
I need some love
I need some love
I beg I beg
For just some love
He turns to me
Looks into my eyes
Gives me a kiss
Then leaves..
Back to the guys!
I search and search
For the boy in Paris
Whom I loved
I miss him so…..
………………….
I cry
Inside.. I die..
He does not care..
Anymore..
………………….
‘FAZ’
……..
I turn to him
He knows I’m broken
He knows I bleed
He knows how hard
It is to need..
He holds my hand
He wipes my tears
He tells me no one
Is worth my tears!
He tells me no one
Is worth the fears!
He tells me he will ALWAYS be
No matter what
There for me..
I say I’m sorry
For all the times
He tried to reach me
When I was blind
I promises.. I will never do that to u again..
…………………………………………….
‘D’: “why do u not care anymore?”
Me: “It is u who does not care!”
‘D’: “I have always loved u, u know that!”
Me: “Actually, I don’t”
‘D’: “I am sorry my love.. u feel this way.. I love u.. I’m sorry.. that’s all I can say”
Me: “Promise me u will not leave anymore..
Promise me u will not break me anymore..
My heart will not always be mended”
He cries
I cry
We promise to be together ALWAYS..
……………………………………………….
‘FAZ’
………
I tell him I do not deserve someone like him
I tell him I am a bad person
I pray to God he will find a better person..
He does not argue
I do not give him a reason
He understands
He moves away
But tells me
He will always be there!
……………………………………………….
……………………………………………….
Getting To Know ‘D’ and ‘FAZ’:
…………………………………..
‘D’:
……
A hard working (boy)
With a hard life
His parents have always favored his brother over him
His mother says he will fail
His father says.. Nothing to him!
He cries..
They do not know!
He tries..
He does not show!
He wants to love
He wants to be loved
He wants to be rich
He wants to be a doctor
He wants to buy a car
He wants to be strong
He wants to get his degree
He asks nothing of no one
And no one can see..
…………………………….
‘FAZ’:
………
A (man) who has it easy
A man with all he needs
Money
Cars
And a loving family
He does not cry
He does not try
[He does not need to]
He wants to have fun
He wants a new car
He wants to speak English
He wants to go shopping in Milan
He asks nothing of no one
[He does not need to]
……………………………….
……………………………….
ME:
……
(from a previous post)
‘Through the pain I smile
Only for your eyes
Only for you..
The one who causes the pain’
………………………………………….
I do not feel the need for FAZ when ‘D’ is on my side..
When I am alone, I run to FAZ and hide..
He heals my pain..
With his careless life
He tells me not to worry
There is no need to worry
He says I am an angel
He says I am a dream
He says that no one (D)
Is really who they seem
He says I am worth more
He says I am unique
His words I adore
They make me believe!
………………………………….
I am horrible to FAZ sometimes..
But..
He is ALWAYS there!
…………………………………..
I hope this gives you a clearer picture of how I was living a double life..
It is a terrible thing to do by the way..
In the end,, I hurt FAZ, I hurt ‘D’..
And I have ALWAYS been hurting myself..
………………………………………………………………
posted by *PerdU* at 5:13 AM
18 Comments:
what your doing isn't it kind of using FAZ when D leaves you ??
WOW girl your life is complicated
Jackie.
yes that is what i used to do!!!! and yes it IS complicated! i don't recomend it!!!
I'm still trying to find THE ONE
Jackie, i hope u find someone who is worthy of ur love.. in my cas, the one was always there! it just took a while for me to appreciate him! and him me :)
no one said love was easy!
as i told another fellow bloger ( adn i dont mean this in a mean way )
LOVE DOSENT exists IT DOSENT IT STARTS OUT AS infatuation AND AFTER A WHILE IF FALLS INTO A ROUTINE AND STARTS TO EITHER FADE INTO RESPECT OR THE TOTAL OPPISATE DISRESPECT AND THAT WHEN U TRULY SEE THAT PERSON FOR WHO HE IS ........... LOVE WAS ONCE UPON A FAIRLY TALE AND WILL ALWYAS REMAINE A FAIRLY TALE ...........THIS MIGHT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT U JUST WROTE BASSS I HAD TO SHARE IT ITS WHAT IM FEELING
and after we break up with that person we look for the next one who we sapposadly love and we get bored and it falls into a rooutine and he drowns him self in work or family and all that kind of bull shit and that my darling is when we look for the person who makes me feel betyter about everyhting thats going on and we tell him about the person that we love and he trie to be there for us and either fails to or succeded and if he succedes then we fall in love with him a routine i tel u thats love that what it is
( today is oe of thoese days where i dont really like cupid )
if i sound rue i really am not so just think of it as venting
and ur keeping me on my toes i wanna know the rest
Wow.
Now Perdu this is maybe your best so far :)
Wow.
Wow.
Wow
I just L0VED it.
Keep em comming.
0ne more..please..
W0W.. and a Mashallah with that ;p
Sweetest SIN,
Firstlly, no u were not rude at all.. and thank u for that,, i was a teenager looking for my fairy tale.. i am jut so attached to 'D' he was my first love.. and i wanted it to be a fairy tale i did! when it wasn't going the way i would like it.. i held on.. i still believe that the fairy tale i once lived with him will still be a reality.. i think Cupid was just on vacation for a few years lol.. he used to pop up ever once in a while,, then disappear again.. but he's here now (el7amdillah) and i hope he won't leave again..
FilmGirl,
Thank u thank u my dear, i LOVE that u LOVED it ;) inshallah tonight Part Four will be ready..
Thank you :)
This made the picture clearer
loved the way you wrote this post
since D was your first love i understand why you couldn't let go easily and had to hang on to him for as long as he did
i guess everyone has a Faz in their lives in a way or another..
"Waiting for part 4"
Thank you :)
This made the picture clearer
loved the way you wrote this post
since D was your first love i understand why you couldn't let go easily and had to hang on to him for as long as he did
i guess everyone has a Faz in their lives in a way or another..
"Waiting for part 4"
Bassem, it all paid off in the end el7amdellah :)
wow :\ I'm speechless..just waiting for more..u should write a book believe me..bas I'm wondering who will u end up with O_o I vote for FAZ :D
Doomy,
lol thank u so much.. lessa bagy 2 more years to talk about ;)
Tapping finger on laptop screen..
"waiting for part 4"
FILMGIRL AND BASSEM
SOOOOORRRRY,, I'M BACK!
wB ..
Now where did the Fourth One Go!!!
I swear there was a fourth !!
FilmGirl, lol i can imagine ur a hasty person lool
Can u now?
Shocking :P
Post a Comment
<< Home