An Insight (part two) [click for part 1]
**WARNING** long post!
Let me start this with a quote
“We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.”
Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989
…………………………………………………………………………………..
First of all, I would like to make clear one point, as I was half asleep when I wrote the previous post. I realized I did not mention that “D” and I are still together. I just meant that the problems began towards the end of our second year together.
Now, lets check my poetry at the time. It gives me a clearer picture of what I was feeling.
“How I long for a time,
Where love was within..
Fighting to be set free..
How terrible is this time..
Where we are fighting..
To ignite love within..
Without success..
We fail..
Without shame..
We have forgotten how to love”
“GROWING APART”:
………………..............
Normally
You wake up..
Normally
You wash and dress
Normally
You go to school
Normally
You eat
You study
You sleep
Normally..
The routine has drowned the love..
Love has become, Normal..
How dangerous!
………………...
He said he would marry me.
How happy was I..
He said love would help us..
Look the world in the eye..
He said, he believed,
I heard, I believed..
How childish were our dreams..
How innocent was our love..
How tragic was the death of innocence
Maturity had blood on its hands!
………………….
Him “I am not ready for marriage”
Me “Nor I”
Him “Give me more time”
Me “You may have all the time you need”
It was too cold
Too too cold to bare
I needed warmth
Any warmth
I needed too feel…..
Wanted!
……………………
FEELING ‘WANTED’ AGAIN:
………………………………….
‘Who is that man?
He is older than my love..
He is not as handsome..
Yet he seems.. wiser..
He seems.. stronger..
I shouldn’t stare!’
I look away..
I try to occupy my thoughts
With something other than.. his nose!
‘Its quite.. umm.. BIG!
But manly..
I think I like it..
My friends would make fun of it..
But I think,, he’s kind of cute’
Aaaaaaugh,, STOP STARING!
Wait a minute..
He stares back.
He’s smiling..
‘What should I do?
I can’t believe I just said that..
I should look away of course!
I already have a man.. Who loves me’
I give him a call to reassure myself
Me: ‘hey, habeeby’
Him; ‘hey’
Me: ‘I miss you’
Him: ‘aha?’
Me: ‘oookay!’
Him: ‘TYPICAL! Now your going to get pissed off cuz I didn’t say I miss you too!’
Me: ‘chill! I don’t care if u don’t reply’
Him: ‘are there any guys in the coffee shop?’
Me: ‘umm YEAH! I’m not in Saudi you know’
Him; ‘are you wearing that stupid short skirt of yours that you LOVE?’
Me: ‘1-it’s not stupid
2- no I’m not, what’s wrong with you?’
Him: ‘I don’t understand why you go looking for a place packed with guys and decide to sit there trying to grab their attention!’
Me: ‘okay, I really don’t understand what your going on about, I’m NOT trying to grab anyone’s attention. I’m just having a cup of coffee with friends, and I just called to say I miss you’
Him: ‘whatever! I’m in the middle of something I’ll call you back’
Me: ‘ok then, love you!’
Him: ‘okay bye!’
………………………….
I feel sad..
I feel down..
A tear drops from me eye..
I look down so no one can see..
It tickles the tip of my nose..
I remember ‘the nose’
I look up..
He is gone!
…………………………..
Many fights with D..
Many unreturned calls..
Many ignored text messages..
Much lost time..
Much lost love..
Much too much!!
I go shopping..
(typical female behavior)
I walk into the men’s section, which will take me to that little coffee shop which no one likes.. but me..
I STOP!
I CRASH.. INTO AN IMAGINARY WALL!
MY LEGS..
MY HEART..
MY FACE!! It’s flushed!
There he is!! ‘HIDE!’
‘Wait a minute? Why should I hide?
What do I care?
Walk by, casually..
Don’t trip! Don’t trip!
OH! Suck the belly in..
One step.. two step..
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just walk! U’ve been able to do it all by yourself since you were 2!’
‘What is he buying?!
Is that Gucci?
Haahaa ‘D’ would make so much fun of him..
He’d run straight to the T-shirts.. cute.. (smile)
Well,, to be fare, the suit looks kind of.. umm.. sexy..
I mean manly manly!
OH SHIT!
He saw me! Do something….
*clearing throat* excuse me sir! (to the salesman)
do u have these in a size 38?
Salesman ‘they are MEN’s shoes miss!’
I KNOW THAT! I like them..
(the nose is holding back a smile)
Salesman ‘I’m sorry, I just meant the smallest they come in is a 40’
Ok then. Thank you.’
I leave!
I don’t turn back!
I’m dying of embarrassment!
A minute later,, I laugh.. to myself.. that was funny..
I laugh louder..
Haaahaaa
I stop, I sit down..
Hands on my belly..
And I laugh! Like a mad woman!
I finally get up..
Barely breathing..
A hand helps me up!
THE NOSE!
I laugh even more..
He laughs too..
He says ‘enty majnoona?!’ (are u nutts?)
I stop laughing! I think ‘how rude! You don’t even know me’
Then..
I laugh again..
He says ‘9dg majnoona! Goomy la7ad yshoofna’ (u r crazy.. move before anyone sees us)
…………………………………………….
I get up,
I follow,
I realize the difference instantly..
He’s just older!
He actually CARES if anyone sees us!
This is weird..
This is wrong..
This is fun….
His name is FAZ..
……………………………………………..
TO BE CONTINUED..
Let me start this with a quote
“We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.”
Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989
…………………………………………………………………………………..
First of all, I would like to make clear one point, as I was half asleep when I wrote the previous post. I realized I did not mention that “D” and I are still together. I just meant that the problems began towards the end of our second year together.
Now, lets check my poetry at the time. It gives me a clearer picture of what I was feeling.
“How I long for a time,
Where love was within..
Fighting to be set free..
How terrible is this time..
Where we are fighting..
To ignite love within..
Without success..
We fail..
Without shame..
We have forgotten how to love”
“GROWING APART”:
………………..............
Normally
You wake up..
Normally
You wash and dress
Normally
You go to school
Normally
You eat
You study
You sleep
Normally..
The routine has drowned the love..
Love has become, Normal..
How dangerous!
………………...
He said he would marry me.
How happy was I..
He said love would help us..
Look the world in the eye..
He said, he believed,
I heard, I believed..
How childish were our dreams..
How innocent was our love..
How tragic was the death of innocence
Maturity had blood on its hands!
………………….
Him “I am not ready for marriage”
Me “Nor I”
Him “Give me more time”
Me “You may have all the time you need”
It was too cold
Too too cold to bare
I needed warmth
Any warmth
I needed too feel…..
Wanted!
……………………
FEELING ‘WANTED’ AGAIN:
………………………………….
‘Who is that man?
He is older than my love..
He is not as handsome..
Yet he seems.. wiser..
He seems.. stronger..
I shouldn’t stare!’
I look away..
I try to occupy my thoughts
With something other than.. his nose!
‘Its quite.. umm.. BIG!
But manly..
I think I like it..
My friends would make fun of it..
But I think,, he’s kind of cute’
Aaaaaaugh,, STOP STARING!
Wait a minute..
He stares back.
He’s smiling..
‘What should I do?
I can’t believe I just said that..
I should look away of course!
I already have a man.. Who loves me’
I give him a call to reassure myself
Me: ‘hey, habeeby’
Him; ‘hey’
Me: ‘I miss you’
Him: ‘aha?’
Me: ‘oookay!’
Him: ‘TYPICAL! Now your going to get pissed off cuz I didn’t say I miss you too!’
Me: ‘chill! I don’t care if u don’t reply’
Him: ‘are there any guys in the coffee shop?’
Me: ‘umm YEAH! I’m not in Saudi you know’
Him; ‘are you wearing that stupid short skirt of yours that you LOVE?’
Me: ‘1-it’s not stupid
2- no I’m not, what’s wrong with you?’
Him: ‘I don’t understand why you go looking for a place packed with guys and decide to sit there trying to grab their attention!’
Me: ‘okay, I really don’t understand what your going on about, I’m NOT trying to grab anyone’s attention. I’m just having a cup of coffee with friends, and I just called to say I miss you’
Him: ‘whatever! I’m in the middle of something I’ll call you back’
Me: ‘ok then, love you!’
Him: ‘okay bye!’
………………………….
I feel sad..
I feel down..
A tear drops from me eye..
I look down so no one can see..
It tickles the tip of my nose..
I remember ‘the nose’
I look up..
He is gone!
…………………………..
Many fights with D..
Many unreturned calls..
Many ignored text messages..
Much lost time..
Much lost love..
Much too much!!
I go shopping..
(typical female behavior)
I walk into the men’s section, which will take me to that little coffee shop which no one likes.. but me..
I STOP!
I CRASH.. INTO AN IMAGINARY WALL!
MY LEGS..
MY HEART..
MY FACE!! It’s flushed!
There he is!! ‘HIDE!’
‘Wait a minute? Why should I hide?
What do I care?
Walk by, casually..
Don’t trip! Don’t trip!
OH! Suck the belly in..
One step.. two step..
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just walk! U’ve been able to do it all by yourself since you were 2!’
‘What is he buying?!
Is that Gucci?
Haahaa ‘D’ would make so much fun of him..
He’d run straight to the T-shirts.. cute.. (smile)
Well,, to be fare, the suit looks kind of.. umm.. sexy..
I mean manly manly!
OH SHIT!
He saw me! Do something….
*clearing throat* excuse me sir! (to the salesman)
do u have these in a size 38?
Salesman ‘they are MEN’s shoes miss!’
I KNOW THAT! I like them..
(the nose is holding back a smile)
Salesman ‘I’m sorry, I just meant the smallest they come in is a 40’
Ok then. Thank you.’
I leave!
I don’t turn back!
I’m dying of embarrassment!
A minute later,, I laugh.. to myself.. that was funny..
I laugh louder..
Haaahaaa
I stop, I sit down..
Hands on my belly..
And I laugh! Like a mad woman!
I finally get up..
Barely breathing..
A hand helps me up!
THE NOSE!
I laugh even more..
He laughs too..
He says ‘enty majnoona?!’ (are u nutts?)
I stop laughing! I think ‘how rude! You don’t even know me’
Then..
I laugh again..
He says ‘9dg majnoona! Goomy la7ad yshoofna’ (u r crazy.. move before anyone sees us)
…………………………………………….
I get up,
I follow,
I realize the difference instantly..
He’s just older!
He actually CARES if anyone sees us!
This is weird..
This is wrong..
This is fun….
His name is FAZ..
……………………………………………..
TO BE CONTINUED..
posted by *PerdU* at 4:53 AM
29 Comments:
WOOOOOW you just keep me coming back for more
FAZ sounds hotter then D even though his nose is bigger
and remeber the older the sexier ;)
hey Jackie,, thats what i THOUGHT! :p
apparantly, years do not calculate age.. ok ok no spoilers.. we'll get to that! FAZ is sooooo cute! at least i think so lol.. but 'D' is well.. 'D' the love of my life!
anyways,, these events all took place 5-7 years ago :) it has only JUST begun :)
oh wow it was quite a long time ago ajal ? i dont think i can wait that long to hear the whole story
care to give me the readers digest version please *pouts*
Jackie, if u had asked me two days ago i would have.. but i think i have just found a theme for my blog :p
Ahhhhhh Well it never hurts to try =)
One question
Are you currently living in Riyadh. Paris, or London ?
loool i hope u don't decideto stop reading my blog :p
well in between the three,,, kind of.. but permanently in riyadh... im there at least 6 months of the year..
Nooooooooooo Nooooooooo i wont stop lol
i'm a bit bummed now but give me 10 seconds and i'll be over it lol
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
2 and 3 quarters
1......
Im over it lol
Life must be tons of fun i bet
THANK GOD! loosing a reader in ur first month of blogging is not that encouraging! :p
el7amdillah it is :) most of the time at least ;)
Ok i think i'll stop commenting now
i just realized that 7 of those 12 comments r mine :S sorryyyy
i appreciate the comments.. it makes my entry look interresting :ppp
take care sweety :)
the kind of love i need is the love that keeps me on my toes cuz other then that i know for a fct that some1 would force there way into my heart and take the previous persons place alli can say is allah y3eeenik and stay in riyadh till i come back so u can keep me from killing my self
Woah..
Sigh ..
Does this mean Faz is still on the market :P
Dont be so cruel.. go on ;P..
Will you go on now?
How about now no?
What about now ?
..Now?
The way you write is so refreshin ;p
LUV SUX.
I CANT BELIEVE HOW PPL TAKE RELATIONSHIPS SO SERIOUSLY. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH SOMEONE. IF THEY ANNOY YOU 1 PERCENT OF THE TIME. IF YOU ARGUE JUST A LITTLE BIT, THAN JUST WALK OUT. FIND SOMEONE ELSE. LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT ON MEANINGLESS LITTLE ARGUEMENTS. THINK ABOUT THE PPL THAT HAVE REAL PROBLEMS LIKE MISSING AN ARM, A LEG, OR NO MONEY OR HOME OR FOOD. OR STUCK IN A WAR ZONE WHERE THEY HAVE JUST WITNESSED THEIR WIFE AND 5 CHILDREN BEING BLOWN APART. ETC ETC.... DO AS I DO, NEVER FALL IN LOVE AND IF SOMEONE BUGS YOU JUST A LITTLE THEN WALK AWAY. PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA. BETTER YET IF YOU WANT COMPANY GET A HOOKER OR AN ESCORT HAVE FUN TAKE THEM TO DINNER LAUGH TAKE EM HOME AND SCREW THEIR BRAINS OUT. NEXT DAY ORDER A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR. I KNOW U ARE A GIRL JUST GET A MALE ESCORT. ITS EASIER, YOU DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIS CRAP, OR WASH HIS DIRTY SOCKS WHEN U ARE MARRIED. NOW IF HOOKERS ARE NOT YOUR THING DO AS I DO. HAVE MORE THAN ONE PARTNER LIKE THIS IF ONE ANNOYS U THEN U CAN QUICKLY REPLACE THEM WITH THE OTHER AND IF ALL ANNOY U THEN JUST GO FOR A HOOKER.
HRH KING AL RASHID.
P.S: DO U HAVE A SISTER THAT BLOGS TOO?
hey there sweetest sin ;)
i agree with u.. but the thing is, i dont give up on love easily, and therefore find myself in one too many relationships at the same time! if that makes any sense!?!? thanx for the comment..
Film Girl,
looool.. i said this is a realllly old story,, FAZ and 'D' r very different now.. or maybe they r the same,, i just understand the real them now.. i'll blog tonight :)
HRH,
firstly i would like to say LOL! secondly, u make me sound like an airhead who walks into a war zone, and is afraid to get her shoes dirty.. i know im not.. but yeah.. this is just my little diary type of thingi,, so i talk about personal stuff.. now about the 'ESCORTS' LOL.. well,, umm,, i'm a girl,, i love the drama :-p plus,, not a big fan of HERPES :-p besmella 3aleena..
oh and about my sister,, as far as i know,, no she doesnt blog! she doesn't get y i want to share my life with strangers lol.. y do u ask?!
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEBODIES SISTER THAT HAS A BLOG. BUT I JUST REALISED THAT U ARE 23 SO U CANNOT BE THE SAME PERSON.
HRH KING AL RASHID.
After reading your post once more your friend faz reminded me of someone he reminded me of Chris Noth a.k.a Mr big on sex and the city
He's soooooooo hot and has a pretty big nose
Does he look like Mr big does he does he =D ?
HRH,
okidoke,, maybe we just have the same style of writing..
Jackie,
well lol.. ummm.. no! BIG is hot! lol FAZ,, just has something about him that is just attractive!
oh that makes perfect sense and yes i know exactly how u feel about the creeping into ur heart i have a Q are these events recent or a whle ago
I absolutely love the way you write.
It makes me lose myself in your words.
i'm actually craving part 3!
i wish i could give you some insights but after a couple of relationships esp one that messed up my whole life, i know i've got a lot to learn yet.
Take care, i hope things are alright now
oh this is an old story oooooh so u were really young so who r u with currently sorry 3ala el lagafa just really interested
Sweetest SIN,
it is an old story :) and u'll find out who i'm with now,, and how complicated everything got :)
Bassem,
thank u so much:) part three will be coming up soon
p.s. don't give up on love :)
i cant wait..yalla continue..i think D is an $%@!*$#@!..and i really like faz..ya rab i dont get disappointed..he seems cute.
DOOOMY,
agoollik shai? i love ur comments wallah..
yallah im writing part three now ;)
Its tonight :/
Its tommorow actually :/
...
*Taps finger on laptop screen*
All the best on one site, just as good as this blog, please visit when you can.fish online plentyfish online plenty
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