!!!!!!

HE CALLED!




What an A$$!!!!!!!!!!




i'll blog when i get over the shock!..

waiting.. hoping..

I miss his call..

He misses my call..

I miss his call again!

He misses my call again!



i MISS him!





i sit..
i wait..
hoping not to miss another call..
hoping not to miss him anymore..

Just hoping For the best..

I will NOT be depressed!

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

He refuses to answer my calls..

we r JUST friends, who cares?

I DO!!!

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

what did i do?
did i break the rules?
wait a minute.. our relationship does not HAVE any rules!

we r JUST friends!

a strange kind of friends.
we flirt,
we kiss,
we hug,
we love.... each other, and other people!

there are no strings attached.

we r JUST friends!

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

he stopped talking to me!
why?

no explanations!
so not like him!

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

i have never felt this way be4.

i'm not sure he ever meant anything to me.. be4!

y does he mean so much now?

we have always "ignored" each other for longer periods of time..
but it was always me who ignored him!

OH HOW HORRIBLE I FEEL..

did he feel this way when i did that to him?!

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

i miss him!
i need him!
i want him,, in everyway!

nothing to do,,
nothing to say..

except,

I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!
I will NOT be depressed!

I am ME

I bleed I bleed
I cry I cry
In pain.. in vain
I bleed I bleed

A need for you
Yes you yes you
I bleed I bleed
So sad yet true

Not love
Not lust
Just tales
Full of dust

So old
So new
I bleed
Bleed for you

Love is strong
Or so they say
Guess they’re wrong
Didn’t make you stay

I bleed I bleed
I cry I cry
In pain.. in vain
I bleed I bleed

Don’t you just
Walk away
While I bleed
Walk away
While I cry
Walk away
While I scream
Just
Walk away

You said time
Wouldn’t kill
What we had
Up until
You saw
The real me

Not that girl
That you made
A dream that
One day
Would fade

I am me
I am me
Yes me
And just me

I bleed I bleed
I cry I cry
In pain.. in vain
I bleed I bleed

Why could you
Not love me?
Just for me
Yes me
Yes me

I don’t want to bleed
I bleed I bleed.

Yet they Still walk away

Don’t cry for them
They have turned their backs on u

Don’t call for them
They have fingers in their ears
They have darkness in their hearts
They have blindfolds on their eyes

They say
Their hearts do break for u
Their souls do cry for u
Yet they still walk away

…………………………………………………….

Humans … They are
Children … They are
Lovers … They are
Sinners …
Criminals…
Saints…
Crooks…
Artists…
They are… they are… they are…

They say
Their hearts do break for u
Their souls do cry for u
Yet they still walk away

……………………………………………………..

You bleed
They say they do
They lie
They say it’s true

They say
Their hearts do break for u
Their souls do cry for u
Yet they still walk away

………………………………………………………

Oh Lebanon,

Turn your back on them
As they have on you

Save your tears
Abort your fears
The children of our time will cry for you

……………………………………………………….

They say
Their hearts do break for u
Their souls do cry for u
Yet they still walk away

……………………………………………………….

Teenage Love

Hello everyone..

I saw the funniest thing last night and thought I would share it with you..

My friends and I had dinner at this amazing Indian restaurant. After that, a few of us decided to walk home to burn the calories.. As we were walking past some lovely little houses in my favorite part of town, we heard some giggling.. Being nosy Arabs, we decided to check what was going on.

So we find a teenaged girl (she couldn't have been older than 16) with half her body sticking out of her bedroom window.. On the outside stood a young boy of about the same age holding her hands helping her to climb out of the window. She was in her pajamas and he only had a pair of shorts on.

They were laughing so much, that we just stood there and laughed with them. She eventually fell out of her window ON him! They looked so funny, trying to keep each other quiet so that her parents wouldn't hear the noise.. They got up and ran towards us. u'd think we'd have the decency to at least PRETEND we weren't staring. But no.. We were stuck there just laughing with them..

The girl noticed us and said "hello". My hopelessly romantic friend had her hands on her heart then waved frantically at them "HELLO HELLO" she said.

Just as I was pulling my friends arm to give them their privacy, she decided to make conversation with them..

My friend: "oh,, u two are just adorable!"
they both laughed and said "thank u",, "did we make alot of noise?"
My friend: "no no, but the fall was pretty funny :-D hahaha"

I thought to myself "how embarrassing they know we were watching!!"

Me: "ok then u too, have fun, be careful.. Let's go!!"
My friend: "oh but wait a minute" she then turned to the young lovers and said "do ur parents not approve of ur relationship? Is that y u had to run away?"
The girl: "I wasn't running away!" haa haa haa " just sneaking out.. And my parents love him to bits, but they'd die if they knew what we are about to do.. haha"

The couple then looked at each other giggling and he gave her the sweetest kiss..
my friend ofcourse put her hand on her heart again and was about to hug them! I kept telling her in Arabic "la t9eereen galag 5alleehom yenbas6oon masakeen" (stop being a nuisance, and let the poor kids have fun)..

She finally gave in, and we said our good byes,, told then to be safe.. As we walked off,, she kept looking behind to see them,, then screamed "ENJOOOOOOOOOOY" .. Then under her breath "since WERE not getting any, u might as well" i could not stop laughing..

I thought they were the cutest things ever!
I just hope they didn't get caught..

NO-SMOKING!

I fell asleep on the couch again! The air heavy with smoke (sheesha and cigarette smoke).. My dog jumped on my tummy and decided that is where he will nap! To nobody's surprise, woke up (2 hours later) barely breathing.
I decided:
1-quit smoking
2-shave Tofu (my dog)
3-obtain better sleeping patterns

all was good when I could finally breath again. I called T up and told her I've decided to stop smoking! That I was very proud of my decision, and that I would stick to it. 'GOOD FOR U PERDU, THAT'S A GREAT DECISION' she said.

I went back to my room, sipped on my coffee while reading "P.S. I love you". I suddenly thought 'I NEEEED A FAAAAAG!' -as in a cigarette not a gay man-. But I was strong. I didn't reach for my cigis in my bag.

Suddenly!! I felt a shooting pain in my right shoulder that went all the way down my arm. I couldn't move it. I stood up. I was going to faint. My head was so light. My right hand felt numb!

“THAT'S IT” I thought! I'm going to have a stroke. Everyone is out! I am going to die very slowly in my room, alone. No one will know because my door is locked. They won't find me till tomorrow morning, maybe noon. Maybe even evening!!!

The pain was UNBEARABLE!! I call a medical help-line (using my left hand) and explain my situation. They asked me to move my fingers (which thankfully I could do).

Nurse: 'oh good! Not a trapped nerve then'
Me: 'pain pain!!! Terrible pain... I think it's a stroke'
Nurse: 'haahaa.. Oh no my dear, its not. Now open the door'
Me: almost crying 'opened!'
Nurse: 'place ur right shoulder on the frame of the door'

A few more explanations as I wasn't at my smartest at that time.

Me: 'ok got it.. Now what?'
Nurse: 'walk forward!'
Me: 'WHAT? I CANT EVEN MOVE MY SHOULDER U WANT ME TO DISLOCATE IT?!!!'
Nurse: 'Do as I tell u, please, I promise it will only pinch a bit, but the pain will go'
Me: 'Besm ella allathy la ya'6orro ma3 ismihi shay2on fessamawaaty wala felar'6 wahowa samee3on 3aleem' <--Islamic prayer! and i walk.

I SCREAMED! The pain was getting worse, I dropped my phone, I was going to faint again.. But decided to walk again, only more forcefully.

I banged my shoulder on the frame! All I heard was CRAAAAACK!!! I thought shit!!! I broke something.. The pain wore off two seconds later, and I realised that I wasn't in pain anymore!! yaaaay!!

oooh the phone

Me: 'hello?'
Nurse: 'that was a loud scream!'
Me: 'sorry lol, I did it twice before it worked!'
Nurse: 'are u feeling better?'
Me: 'thank u thank u thank u'

OOOOH RELEIF! I’m not dying! Thank God!

My mum comes home. I explain everything (more dramatically ofcourse !!!) waiting for her to say 'my poooor baby, salamaaat'.

u'd think that's what she'd say right? nooooooo!

She goes: JAL6A!!! <---- stroke!! ofcourse ur going to get a jal6a!!! dogs, SMOKING like a chimney!, sleeping in the morning, waking up in the afternoon, eating junk! no excersise etc etc etc..

I was soooooo pissed offffff!!!! Then she said the WRONG thing at the WRONG time. 'I think u should quit Smoking! I am going to wake u up tomorrow at 8, we will go jogging, u are not to stay out past 10 o'clock anymore, and Tofu can stay in the basement!!'


I'M 23 YEARS OLD!!!! WTF???? IM ON VACATION!! aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! AND MY DOG WILL NOT STAY IN A BASEMENT!!!

So I run up to my room, lock the door, put the music on, pick up my book, and....


Light a cigarette,, aaaaaah,, that feels goooood!


So much for the no-smoking business!!!

FOR F.

For F…
The unreal reality
………………….


In your eyes..
I see a glimpse of a life I have forgotten..
I see a beginning,
A child’s laugh,
And poetry..

They take me back..
Back to a time of dreams that I loved
Dreams of a meeting.. By chance
On the crowded streets of my life..

A picture
A word
Love..
Without intentions
Without warnings
That came to life..

A painting in your eyes
With stories.. Of all that has passed

Don’t look away
Don’t turn your back
Your eyes have more to say

The secrets within them
Have yet to be released
A Thirst within my soul
Has yet to be quenched..

In your eyes,
All that has happened,
All that will happen,,
Yet only a glimpse..

You turn around.
You walk away.

My gaze remains fixed.. on you..


You disappear into the crowded streets of my life..
Oh how I long for emptiness sometimes..

TAGGED

TAGGED BY FEDO :)


Best:
1. Male friend: Faz
2. Female friend: T
3. Vacation: any trip with my friends

Worst:
1. Time of day: anything before 9 a.m.
2. Day of the week: Monday
3. Color crayon: Pink

Last:
1. Person you talked to that goes/went to your school: misho
2. Talked to on the phone: Faz
3. Text: also faz
4. Person you instant messaged: oh my god!! FAZZZZ!!! Is this normal?!

Today:
1. What are you doing now: being tagged!! Also, eating spaghetti
2. Wearing: black shorts, black tank-top

Tomorrow:
1. Is: Saturday
2. Got any plans: try not to sleep till Sunday!
3. Goal: Go to the apple store!
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: that I’m not going to sleep!

Favorite:
1. Number: Six
2. Song: Both Hands (Ani Difranco)
3. Color: BLUE

Currently:
1. Missing Someone: T
2. Mood: serene
3. Wanting: to sleep

True/False:
I am a cuddler: very True.
I am a morning person: hmmm,, not really
I am a perfectionist: depends on what I am doing, meaning: I am not lol
I am an only child: False.
I am currently in my pajamas: this is what I wear to sleep, but they r not supposed to be pajamas
I am currently pregnant: hope not lol
I am currently suffering from a broken heart: no,, just a confused one
I am left handed: False.
I am addicted to Blogging: I just started,, but maybe I am beginnng to be..
I am online 24/7: how sad.. no
I am very shy around the opposite gender: nope
I can be paranoid at times: depends.. who’s watching? :-p
I currently have a crush on someone: crush? no
I currently regret something that I have done: don’t we all?
I enjoy country music: noo noooo,, plz noo
I enjoy smoothies: yeah
I enjoy talking on the phone: very True.
I have a hard time paying attention at school/work: im ok
I have a hidden talent: if u only knew..
I have a lot to learn: everyone does!
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal: many ☹

Anger:
1. Are you currently mad at someone? I’m never mad for more than 10 mins
2. Which of your friends has the worst temper? Me lol
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? Yup lol
4. Ever had something thrown at you? uuuhu
5. When you’re mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream? Yell at the top of my lungs, unless I’m pissed at mum, THEN I stare lol

Excitement:
1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party for you? Yeah ;)
2. Are you easily excited? Think so
3. What are you most excited about? the road trip im taking with my friends in September.
4. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought? Off to buy my new blue Bugatti
5. If you could have anything right now what would it be? I’d like the confusion to end! Is that an appropriate answer?

Self-Discovery:
1. Name: let’s leave it at Perdu
2. Where were you born? King Faisal Hospital, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
3. What’s your main goal in life? To do something with it!
4. How do you want to die? In a way which would make me worthy of meeting my creator


Opinions:
1. Sex before marriage? Not for it
2. Gay Marriage? whatever
3. Lower the Drinking age? Doesn’t concern me
4. Recycling? Ofcourse!

Dreams:
1. What was your latest dream?that I married s3ood!!!
2. Have any of your dreams come true? Not that one thankfully.
3. What was the weirdest dream you’ve ever had? It involved a bathtub and.. umm,, I won’t elaborate lol

Love-Life:
1. Straight, Gay, Bi? Straight.
2. Do you have a bf/gf? Yes. A boyfriend that is.
3. Do you have a crush? Nope.

How many beds did you lay in yesterday? My tiny single bed!
What color shirt are you wearing? black
Name one thing that you do everyday? smoke
What color are your walls? Cream.
How much cash do you have on you right now? 25 pounds and 100 riyals
I can’t wait till? I go to sleep :p
When was the last time you saw your dad? June
What did you have for dinner last night? Japanese
What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone? My mum’s shoes
What website(s) do you visit the most during the day? www.saudisecret.blogspot.com :-p aol/gmail/hotmail
Does anything hurt on your body right now? My foot ☹ I fell down the stairs! Clumsy!

Have You Ever:
1. Have you ever failed a class? At uni yes ☹
2. Have you ever sung in front of a crowd? Yes lol
3. Have you ever not taken a shower for 3 days? Yuck!
4. Have you ever slept with a night light? I prefer the dark
5. Have you ever danced in the rain? I always dance
6. Have you ever lied? Refer to my first post!
7. Have you ever had contacts? Oh my god, my contacts just popped out as I was reading this!! Ok I DO get excited easily
8. Have you ever tripped over something stupid? My dog! Poor thing

Pick One:
1. Samosa, Pakora, Kebab: can I say none?
2. Bollywood, Lollywood, Hollywood: Hollywood
3. Love marriage, Arranged marriage: Love marriage! Its not 1818 by the way
4. Honeymoon, no moon: a honeymoon once a year
5. How many kids would u like 1,2, 3+: more than 3 inshallah
6. Kulfi, Ice cream: I echo Fedo, WTF is Kulfi?
7. Shah ruk khan, Orlando Bloom: loooooooool u can’t be serious
8. Meenar-e-Pakistan, Eiffel Tower: haaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaa LMAO
9. Lahore, Khi, Islambad: ok ok I cant! This has to stop haaahaaaaa



I TAG

blushful®
doomy lata chocolata
farooha
mysterious
jo
wastedalwayz
saif
blackorchid
a daydreamer
ahmed
abdulla
aoi_chokoreto
ok I think that’s everyone who has ever commented on my page ☺

THANX FEDO!

I am writing this to thank FEDO! the nicest person on earth :)

He e-mailed me this cool pic for my profile.. thank you so much :)









xoxoxo

How does it feel?

The darkness that swallowed the sun..
It’s back
It will take sleepy eyes on board its ship
Only deprived lovers will be left ashore…

Tick.. tock.. tick.. tock..

The darkness has sailed..
It has left my eyes behind
Once again..
Another sleepless night without you!

Tell me my love..
What is a dream like?
How does it feel.. not to feel?

Does your heart not burn you… like mine?
Does your breath not choke you… like mine?

Tick.. tock.. tick.. tock

The ship of darkness.. it’s coming back
Young rays of light have been born again
I can hear their laughter
I can feel their innocence

I wait at the port of morning
Flowers in my hands
A burning love in my heart
I wait to greet the morning
I wait to greet my love

I wait to ask him..
Tell me my love.. how did it feel?
How did it feel.. not to feel??

HOW DARE SHE?!

So I was having my usual grape sheesha today at this nice little Lebanese restaurant, when the lady on the table next to me suddenly said:

Her: ‘where r u from?’

Me: ‘Saudi Arabia ☺ (biiig smile) and u?’

Her: ‘hmmm’ (with some sort of snort) ‘I am from Saudi Arabia! Do u have the nationality?’

Me: ?!?!?!

Her: ‘because u don’t look Saudi’

Me: ‘actually, I look like a typical Saudi, black hair, black eyes, I couldn’t be anything but’ with another big smile, cuz she was scaring me lol

Her: ‘no not looks wise, u r DRINKING sheesha!’ (do ppl drink sheesha?!!) ‘and no Saudi girl will drink sheesha, it is haraam!’

Me: (thinking, she cannot be serious) ‘have u ever been to Jeddah by any chance?’ with a haha laugh trying not to be rude! ‘u can have sheesha wherever u go there’

Her: they r not Saudis!!!

Me: HOW DARE SHE?!!! ‘what do u mean they r not Saudis?? Where r they from??’

Her: ‘only people from NAJD r truly Saudi!’

Me: FUCK YOU! What I really said was ‘I am sorry to see people from my country who have this mentality, it makes me very sad, the Prophet PBUH was from Hijaaz, that is enough to make them proud’

She then turned her head away from me, and told her sister or friend or whoever the hell she is, “she probably drinks alcohol too!!!!!”

I went MAD!!
I screamed my head off (not literally) .. but I did not shut up for about 10 minutes, saying things that probably don’t make sense like: ‘just because I have sheesha it doesn’t mean I drink…….. even if I did drink its none of ur god damn business……. My parents know I have sheesha and they r fine with it…….. u Najdi people make me sick (then I remembered I was from Najd lol)……. It is because of people like u we have terrorism….etc’


I don’t understand! I really don’t.. how does she feel she has the right to lecture me??? She doesn’t even know me.. my sister said I was being too polite I should have slapped her! But that’s a bit too much haha.. (I didn’t want to pull an Israel,, political joke) but really,
1st. she tells me it is haraam
2nd. Ppl from Jeddah r not Saudi
3rd. I’M probably not Saudi
4th. I must drink if I have sheesha!
the conversation only lasted a few moments, I got accused of a million things, by a woman I don’t even know.
WHAT THE FUCK? Seriously man!!!

NOW, heeere comes the worst part. Her son joins their table after the whoooole argument is over. And guess what he does?!!!!


HE ORDERS A SHEEESHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, to whom ever decides to listen to my mumbo jumbo :)

welcome to my little secret. I need to get so much off my chest, what a perfect place to do just the thing. I wil try not to bore u all.. This blog is for anyone who has ever given meaning to my heart beats. i Love u all..

I will leave you with this:

I Lied
I'm not quite sure if it was to save ur feelings
or mine..
It doesnt matter. I Lied!

I feel horrible when i lie to you.
It just came out. i swear
you asked me if that poem was written for you?
you expected me to answer on the spot!
what could i have said?

I HATE that smell
It reminds me of the perfume i had on
when i looked you in the eyes
and without a hint of hesitation
I Lied.

I love you
i really do
but he's pushing his way into my heart
a heart you have occupied for..
oh.. so long
He knows your there!
YOUR the one who cant see HIM!

he doesnt care.
he still comes in, makes himself at home
oh i HATE that i am the one who invited him in the first place
i dont want him here.. anymore
He's taking over!

I only write about him,
i sing about him,
i only think about him.
Even when i'm with you,
i whisper his name to myself

I WANT YOU BACK!
i don't want him!
i don't want to lie anymore.
I'm sory i lied :(
Please HELP ME!

If Only u knew..

Through the pain i smile

Only for your eyes

Only for you..

The one who causes the pain