confused

Hello,
I’ve been under the weather lately,
It’s just too god damn cold!
I can’t exactly wear a huge jacket under my Abaya!
So yeah, I’ve been sick : (
Here is what happened next
………………………………….


It was raining outside..
I was on the way to the airport to meet my fiancé
He is only passing by for a few days
Just to check up on me
While I finish my pre-wedding shopping

My father would think this was against our traditions
And that he should not have come!
Thankfully my mother said she would help me keep the secret!!

Almost there…
I search my bag for my lip gloss
Fiddling around in my bag I find a business card
Wow! It just slipped my mind
Did I forget?
It was only a week ago when I saw him
And he saw my ring!
Why did he give me his number?
Why find it now?
I put I in the pocket of my bag
And decide to put HIM in a pocket in my head
And only to think of the lovely man I’m going to meet in the airport..
Yes, the one I will spend the rest of my life with


My fiancé arrives
I basically jump on him
We go to his hotel
I wait in the lobby while he drops his bas off
(As it would be un-heard of for me to go to his room)
We go out for lunch..
We spend an amazing 4 days together,
My mother joins us sometimes
But all in all, we have a great time..

The thing is, I do not tell him what happened with Mr. X..
I just keep him and his number in my pocket!
He does jump out on my sometimes..
Just a quick thought passing in my head
A quick,, what if? Why not?
But I put them all to rest
And try to forget about them

My fiancé goes back home a few days later
I go back to my routine
I’m sick of shopping
I’m sick of the cold
I’m sick!
And I’m sick of Mr. X passing through my thoughts as if he had a right to do so!

I feel violated!
…………………………………………………..
It’s been a month..
The thought of calling him does not pass through my head
But the thought of him just becomes more dominant
The count down to my wedding has begun
If I have doubts, does this mean this is the biggest mistake of my life?
Or if I did not have doubts would that mean I was a complete imbecile?

I’m so confused
Not about my fiancé.. I love him!
But I have a feeling there is something I should do
I need closure
But how?!

Could it be?

Hello

Well, my life is very boring these days
So I decided to borrow a friend’s story and make it my own
Sad? I know..
……………….

It was a frosty morning
The wind that tickled my nose was not friendly
Regardless of the sun that tried its best to shine
But sometimes you try
As hard as u can
Yet you fail
I want to tell the sun I understand
How hard it is to shine
Sometimes
…………..
The park was almost empty
Except for that man on his bicycle
The woman stretching
And the dog running endlessly
Towards..
Oh I don’t know where the dog was going
He probably didn’t either
But the freedom was just too much to resist
…………
Lost in my thoughts
My eyes shift towards a man
I stop
He stops
No it can’t be him
My heart goes numb
For a while that felt like forever
How long?
When?
Am I still there?
In the twinkle in his eyes
I try to find myself
Without a word
We approach each other
I can’t see myself

I stop
He stops

I try to look back
I need to escape this feeling
………………

I remembered a day when I begged

‘For you.. the end of my tears
The end of my poetry
For you.. I grant
The end of my fears


Bestowed upon a star
A love so complex
Now too far
Too far for it to show
Too far for u too feel
Too weak to glow


You have absorbed me
My thoughts
My love
My feelings
My glee
You have somehow
Become a part of me


Grant me my freedom
Beg me not to stay
Give me the strength
To turn away’
…………

He asked me if this could be true?
After all these years
We hug
He holds my hand
And lifts it up
Just to find the engagement ring!